Chapter 181: The Price of Growth

“Heh, hehe.” After hearing what Su Yan said, Sun Mang actually laughed.

Su Yan merely looked at him calmly, knowing that this was just his way of venting his grief.

“So that’s how it is. You suddenly changed your attitude toward me... I actually deluded myself into thinking my sincerity had moved you, never realizing it was Grandma.” Having laughed enough, Sun Mang began to mock himself.

Su Yan suppressed the urge to slap him.

“So? What do you want to do?”

“I don't want to do anything. No matter what reason led you to accept me, you are helping me. I only hate that I am too weak, unable to even protect my only family member. And yet, a useless coward like me actually harbored delusions of saving others. Su Yan, don't you think I'm incredibly ridiculous?”

At this moment, Sun Mang's eyes held nothing but deep self-denial and ridicule.

“I don't think you're ridiculous. Although you are still very weak now, you have always been working hard. Both your grandmother and I have seen that effort. However, if you want to give up, I won't force you.”

Su Yan had always been rational, even when facing the current Sun Mang.

His life, of course, was his own to choose.

“Su Yan, do you know what I find most unforgivable about myself?” Sun Mang's voice was suppressed and suffocating.

Su Yan remained silent.

“That day, I was so excited after leaving Li Qing's house. I felt like I had become strong. When you asked me for details, I completely forgot about that small mirror I brought out from Li Qing's room. I thought it was insignificant. If I hadn't been so conceited back then, Grandma wouldn't have...” Sun Mang could no longer continue; he struck himself hard across the face.

“Even if that hadn't happened, your grandmother would still have left. I think the old lady chose this way to protect you of her own free will.” Su Yan emphasized this once more before he could finish his self-reproach.

Sometimes people feel pain simply because they refuse to let go of the root of that pain.

“You have to accept reality. Just because your grandmother is gone, are you going to die along with her? Or will you live well according to her wishes, so as not to waste her painstaking efforts? Those are the things you should be thinking about.”

Sun Mang held his head in his hands, unwilling to let Su Yan see his cowardly tears.

“I know, I know. But Su Yan, I'm just so sad.”

Truly, truly sad.

Su Yan took a step forward and hesitantly patted his shoulder.

“No one stays with us for a lifetime. Especially if you choose the path of an exorcist, our future is destined to be filled with darkness, bloodshed, and death. You can let yourself become decadent or retreat, but not for too long. It takes even greater courage to stand back up.”

“I told you, no matter what kind of life you choose next, I will support you. Think it over carefully, and then come find me.”

As Su Yan left, the courtyard fell into a deathly silence.

Sun Mang sat alone in the courtyard, seeing his grandmother's silhouette in every corner...

***

Days returned to tranquility.

Su Yan did not stay idle during her time at home.

The day after Li Qiuhua and Su Mo moved out of the compound, she hired a construction team, preparing to renovate everything inside and out.

She didn't care about the environment she lived in, but she was worried that Su Jianguo would be overcome by melancholy seeing the old surroundings.

At first, Su Jianguo refused. After all, the family currently had not a single cent and was even burdened with debt to Wu Qi. Even Su Qiang's child support during the divorce had been provided by Su Yan, so he did not want to be extravagant at a time like this.

However, Su Yan told him not to worry about money. Not only did she secretly repay the debt to Wu Qi, but she also immediately paid a deposit to the construction team.

Now, Su Jianguo had no choice but to agree.

The Su family's grand movements drew much gossip from everyone in the compound.

But Su Yan didn't care about the opinions of outsiders.

Not just at home, she also sent a sum of money to Granny Li.

She knew Granny Li's daily life was extremely frugal and didn't require much spending, so she asked Granny Li to hand the money over to the village chief to pave a proper road for the village.

Daliushu Village was far too remote; not only was it tucked away in a mountain hollow, but even the village roads were rugged and uneven. Whenever it rained, the outside was nothing but mud.

Su Yan also specifically told Granny Li in her letter that the world outside was vast and money was easy to earn, telling her not to worry about anything. Furthermore, she would find an opportunity to tell her father that his eyes had recovered.

After experiencing what happened with Grandma Sun, she seemed to understand even more the importance of cherishing the loved ones around her.

After a week of such busywork, she finally received a visit from Sun Mang.

Having not seen him for just a few days, Sun Mang had lost a significant amount of weight; he was practically skin and bones, and even a layer of fine stubble had appeared on his face.

Fortunately, his complexion seemed to have recovered somewhat, and there was a spark of spirit in his eyes.

“Su Yan, can you go for a walk with me?”

Gone was his usual playful demeanor; he now seemed like a different person—polite and reserved.

Su Yan was mentally prepared. “Okay.”

The two walked out of the compound, Su Yan following quietly by Sun Mang's side.

By the time they walked out of the county town, she roughly understood where Sun Mang wanted to take her.

As expected, they ended up before Grandma Sun's grave.

Sun Mang knelt before the grave and kowtowed to Grandma Sun. He was no longer as emotionally unstable as he had been a few days ago.

“Su Yan, can I speak in front of Grandma?”

Su Yan said, “You can.”

Sun Mang's determined gaze fell upon Grandma Sun's tombstone. “I have decided that I will continue to be an exorcist in the future.”

Su Yan was not surprised. Although he usually appeared frivolous, he was exceptionally persistent on this path.

“But I won't be able to stay by your side in the future.” Sun Mang finally turned to look at Su Yan, his eyes suppressing far too many emotions.

“Why?” Su Yan felt it was necessary to ask clearly.

Sun Mang struggled to find the words. “Because the current me is not worthy of standing by your side. I am too weak and too willful. From the very beginning, I would only be a burden and bring you trouble.”

“I don't feel that way.”

He was indeed noisy, and he did cause trouble, but she had never regarded him as a burden.

“I know. Su Yan, you really aren't cold at all. Although you seem icy to most people and only seem interested in business, you have a very warm heart. Everyone else finds me annoying and looks down on me, but you treated me as a classmate and a partner, and taught me skills.”

These were words Sun Mang had never said to Su Yan or anyone else, but now he truly wanted to say them.

Su Yan looked at him hesitantly. “I'm not as good as you say.”

“You are. It is because I met you that my life has changed; you are the one who gave me a goal to pursue. If I had stayed by your side forever, or if I could have received the best care, I would still want to be able to stand in front of you when danger arises one day, instead of only being able to watch my most precious family and friends fall into peril.” By the end, Sun Mang's voice was trembling slightly.

He had already lost his grandmother; he absolutely could not lose her.

“So?” Su Yan roughly understood his meaning.

“So, I plan to leave this county town to experience the world and truly grow up. Is that okay?”

Even now, Su Yan remained Sun Mang's pillar of strength.

Only her words could truly put his mind at ease.

(End of Chapter)