Chapter 6: Maternal Home

The poor also have their three loads. The belongings of the mother and her two daughters were not very valuable, but they cherished them like precious treasures. They had always taken great care of their own items; every piece looked fresh and clean, not inferior to things bought with much silver.

While Le Qing and Mother Liu moved and organized the trunks and chests, Xia Yiqing looked after Pang Ruxue. Pang Ruxue was three months pregnant and no longer suffered from morning sickness, so her appetite had just begun to improve, but she never expected to encounter such an incident. Depressed by her emotions, she only managed to eat half a bowl of rice soaked in vegetable soup for dinner. By the time it was late at night, Xia Yiqing poured the rice porridge that had been simmering on a small fire into a bowl, let it cool, and brought it to her to drink.

Pang Ruxue drank half a bowl of millet porridge and took the handkerchief from Xia Yiqing's hand to wipe the corners of her mouth. As she wiped, tears began to fall again.

Xia Yiqing comforted her softly, "Mother, do not be sad. When Father returns tomorrow, we will ask him for the truth. He is a man of learning and reason; he cannot be as muddled as the Old Madam and the others. To suppress the legal wife and elevate a concubine to the status of a wife—if word of this gets out, he can forget about becoming an official!"

Pang Ruxue said through tears, "Mother is incompetent; half a lifetime has passed by in such muddled confusion. Mother no longer seeks anything; I only wish for you and your sister to be well... The Huang family has influence in this locality, and your father's official rank will grow larger in the future. You must rely on him to live a good life. You cannot..."

"Mother!" Xia Yiqing grabbed Pang Ruxue's hand, her voice somewhat anxious, "In all these years, have we ever been able to rely on Father? His salary is managed by Concubine Huang and given to Xia Jinshi and Lady Tong for their expenses; when is it ever our turn to see a glimpse of it? When Mother was bedridden with illness, he came by to pay respects to the ancestors and stopped in to visit, yet he wouldn't even sit for a moment. He left behind two boxes of pastries and a few taels of medicinal herbs—was that useful? Sometimes, he wouldn't even step foot into the South Courtyard when he returned, leaving the very next day! If Mother hadn't told us from a young age that we are daughters of the legal wife, even I would have believed the words of the Old Madam and Lady Tong, allowing them to demote you to a concubine and honor Concubine Huang as Mother... My sister and I would have been crushed under the weight of the Five Fingers Mountain forever!"

Pang Ruxue shook her head, weeping, "How could Mother have the heart to let you fall to such a state? In the years when Mother and your father... we truly were husband and wife, with a marriage contract as proof. You and Qing'er are legal daughters, but the Old Madam... the Old Madam said it was for your father's future, and for the future happiness of you and Le'er... Qing'er, you are almost at your coming-of-age ceremony. Mother hopes you can marry into a good family and live a good life from then on, never suffering or being poor again! Your grandmother said—she said as long as I am willing to live in seclusion in the rear courtyard and yield all the status of the eldest daughter of the main line to Lady Huang, once Ai Zhi is engaged, Lady Huang will—will immediately find a good marriage for you, matching you with the legal son of a well-known, wealthy family in this city. That way, you can take care of your sister in the future, and also this one in my womb..."

The combined cultivation of her past and present lives allowed Xia Yiqing to always maintain a good demeanor, possessing the understated elegance and grace of a lady from a great family. But facing Pang Ruxue, she sometimes could not remain calm. At this moment, she was so exasperated that she spoke to Pang Ruxue in a tone of "frustrated disappointment"

"Mother! Have you not suffered enough at the hands of the Old Madam? You actually believe things that have no proof! When she coaxed ten thousand taels of silver from you back then, she must have given you countless promises, right? How many of them were ever fulfilled? The Old Madam is snobbish and ruthless; she used your silver to elevate the Xia family, and once the family prospered, she no longer cared whether you lived or died! Xia Xiuping is cold and ungrateful; he married a new woman and abandoned the old, working desperately to curry favor with the Huang family for his official career, and even wants to favor a concubine to destroy his wife... Mother! You must wake up. The Xia family and Xia Xiuping are not worth your unwavering devotion! Since they are so heartless, we have no need to speak of righteousness. It would be better to just divorce and be done with it!"

Pang Ruxue cried even harder, "You! You must not speak of your father in such a way! He does it for his future, and for you! Qing'er, how could you become like this? Have you forgotten all the rules Mother taught you? Today you actually dared to strike your grandmother and your aunt, to argue with your elders while bringing your sister along, and you even called your father by his given name, demanding that he divorce your mother... Qing'er, are you... are you truly going to be a rebellious daughter?"

Tears welled in Xia Yiqing's eyes. She wasn't sad; she was crying from being exasperated by this muddled mother!

"If I am not a rebellious daughter, am I to be a concubine's daughter? In your current situation, how are you any different from a discarded wife who has been divorced? Mother, have you truly yielded? You must think clearly. Previously, with the status of a legal wife and legal daughters, our group still lived so miserably in the Xia family. Since I was three, I learned to serve Mother, kneeling by her sickbed to learn the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting; at six or seven, I picked up a needle and thread to learn embroidery; by nine, I was leading my sister to find our own way to survive, working hard to earn money to treat Mother... If you become a concubine, and my sister and I become illegitimate daughters, moving to live in that tightly enclosed rear courtyard, far from the side gate—do you think Mother Liu and Uncle Liu can easily carry heavy bundles through the entire backyard, passing the gates of the Old Madam and your second, third, and fourth uncles to reach the rear courtyard? Mother, by losing the convenience of that side gate, we lose our means of survival! By then, even if we aren't angered to death by the Old Madam and that so-called legal daughter, we will starve to death!"

Pang Ruxue froze and grabbed Xia Yiqing, "Your father will not let you starve; he has you in his heart! When he came back last time, he said that once you reach your coming-of-age, he will hold a banquet and a ceremony for you, and even invite nobles to offer their blessings!"

Xia Yiqing wiped away her tears and sneered, "Is that so? Last time he came, my sister and I didn't say a single kind word to him. If Mother hadn't been soft-hearted, he wouldn't have even been able to stay the night, and this one wouldn't be in your womb. Would he still be willing to hold a ceremony for me? I think he has ulterior motives!"

Pang Ruxue's face turned pale, "Qing'er! You... that is your father!"

"Mother!"

Xia Leqing lifted the curtain and entered, throwing herself before Pang Ruxue's bed and crying, "I have lived twelve years, and I have seen Father's face only a few times in total. I recognize him, but does he remember me? Every time he comes to see Mother, it is I who opens the courtyard gate; he only treats me as the little maid the Old Madam bought to serve you! Do we in the South Courtyard have such a good fate of having servants and maids to do our bidding? If the Old Madam uses force tonight and my sister and I are in mortal danger, would calling out for Father be of any use? Could he protect us?"

Pang Ruxue held Leqing and burst into tears once more, "My child, it is Mother who is useless..."

"It is not that Mother is useless, it is that they are bad!"

Xia Yiqing interrupted Pang Ruxue's weeping and gripped her hand tightly, "They have driven us mother and daughters to such a state; can we truly endure it? Can Mother truly find the heart to, for the sake of Father's career and the Xia family's reputation, willingly sacrifice her daughters' futures and let my sister and me become illegitimate daughters to be trampled upon by others?"

Pang Ruxue's face was covered in tears as she shook her head repeatedly.

Xia Yiqing spoke again, "Mother, we must hold our ground; we cannot retreat even half a step! Otherwise, we mother and daughters will just have to wait to be eaten alive! The Xia family treats us mother and daughters with such contempt and elevates Lady Huang simply because the Huang family has a bit of power—he is merely a fifth-rank Prefect, and yet it is treated as something extraordinary. If Mother also had a powerful family of her own, we wouldn't have to fear them!"

Pang Ruxue sniffled and lowered her head, but Xia Leqing would not let her go, shaking her hand and pressing, "Mother, why do we not have a maternal grandfather? Once my sister and I grow up, we will be bound to you in life and death. Is there anything you cannot tell us?"

The sisters had asked this question for many years, and Pang Ruxue had always avoided answering. Although Xia Yiqing desperately wanted to know the answer, she still held little hope this time.

To her surprise, after Pang Ruxue lowered her head and sighed, she actually spoke: "Mother... also has a family of her own... far away in the capital!"