Chapter 1: Picking Up a Man After Counting to Five

Early in the morning, the ear-piercing sound of banging pots and pans rang out again. To make matters worse, that pitch-black iron pot still had bits of unwashed cabbage stuck to it. Someone reached out, grabbed the quilt off their body, and hurled it toward the source of the noise. The pristine white quilt caused the large pot to slam directly onto a man’s face, followed naturally by a scream that sounded like a pig being slaughtered.

"Sis, it’s the weekend. You don’t have classes, so you should be able to travel, right?" Rubbing his small face, the man flashed her a shameless, fawning smile.

"Wipe that sleazy, ugly look off your face. You didn't brush your teeth again last night, did you?" The woman wasn't buying it; she lay back down, wanting to continue her sweet dreams.

"But you clearly promised..."

"Last week, when we went to the Qin Dynasty, I got locked in a mausoleum and almost suffocated. When I got back, I caught a virus and broke out in blisters. Everyone thought I had syphilis and locked me in the bathroom all night to eat feces."

"That’s not—"

"The week before that, we went to the Western Jin. I saw Empress Jia Nanfeng of Emperor Hui, and I couldn't eat for a whole week. I was walking around like a ghost, fainted at the entrance of the school’s men’s room, and the whole class has been laughing at me ever since."

"You..."

"The week before that, we went to the Ten Kingdoms. Damn it, when we arrived, Southern Tang and Chu were at war. I was buried under a pile of corpses, wrapped in a straw mat by soldiers, and tossed into the sea—I almost got fed to the sharks." The woman kept ranting, her spit spraying all over the man’s face before he even realized it.

"Daughter..." The old man joined in as well.

"And you too, Dad. Brother hasn't bathed in a month, hasn't brushed his teeth in half a year, hasn't changed his clothes in a year, and spends all day doing nothing. Why are you indulging him in this nonsense? We can't bring anything back from the ancient times, we can't take photos, we can't get rich, and it’s a waste of time. Why are you two so obsessed with it?" Seeing the old man speak up, Su Zhirui turned her fire toward him.

"Zhirui, this is the last time. Brother swears on his life, the very last time." The man said, still unwilling to give up. He really wanted to travel; in the ancient times, no one would force him to bathe, brush his teeth, wash clothes, or scrub dirty pots.

"Anyone who believes your words is a pig." After scolding them both, Su Zhirui flopped back onto the bed. There was simply no room for negotiation.

"Brother will use all his equipment as collateral..." Seeing there was truly no room for discussion, the man finally played his trump card.

"Really?" After a moment of silence, Su Zhirui came to her senses. After suspiciously looking the man up and down, she nodded slightly. "The last time?" Flipping her beautiful, wavy long hair, she wore a devious expression.

"The last time." The man also revealed a sly grin and nodded in quick agreement.

Seeing his daughter agree, the old man immediately took out the outfit he had prepared for her.

"Damn, what dynasty is this clothing from?" Seeing the nearly transparent garment, her anger flared. Was he trying to send her to a brothel to be a prostitute?

"Daughter, this time—"

"Fine, fine, hurry up. I still want to sleep when I get back." Standing in their massive basement, Su Zhirui impatiently interrupted her father. She knew he was about to say which era they were going to, but they kept going back to the same few dynasties, and she hadn't seen the father-son duo come up with anything new.

Showing a hint of worry, Su Dad looked like he wanted to say something but held back. Seeing her irritable expression, he swallowed his words.

Wearing the clunky equipment, Su Zhirui felt her head grow heavy and her consciousness blur. In that final moment, she only saw two square-jawed faces with different expressions, and a bad premonition immediately welled up inside her.

"Son, do you think something might happen to Zhirui? This time it’s not a dynasty from history; I don't even know what space-time this is. If we lose contact with her, we’ll never find her again." Su Dad still seemed worried. Watching the direction his daughter had disappeared in, he let out a long sigh.

"Dad, don't worry. I guarantee it’s foolproof." The man waved his hand, looking completely confident. Seeing his sly grin, the old man wisely covered his nose to avoid being knocked out by the stench.

In a certain town, on a patch of grass, the first thing Su Zhirui did after waking up was to immediately throw away the device that allowed her to contact that pig of a brother. Flipping her soft hair, she couldn't help but reveal a charming smile. "Wait until I'm dead before you go back to being your professional time-traveler. Damn you, Su Zhiye, this young lady is going to find someone to marry right now."

But who to marry? Thinking about her heavy tastes, who would marry her without a second thought? It didn't matter to her what dynasty it was or who the emperor was; the important thing was, where was she going to pick up a man to marry her?

In ancient times, the rich were spoiled young masters; the powerful were too arrogant; those with status were hard to please. And anyone who possessed all of these was absolutely a top-tier human specimen. If she married one, she’d be tossed a divorce paper and left to gnaw on bones at the doorstep sooner or later.

Thinking as she walked, she chose a random intersection to stand at, her beautiful phoenix eyes scanning the surroundings. With so many ordinary people passing by, it shouldn't be such a coincidence that she’d run into an emperor traveling incognito, right?

Closing her phoenix eyes, she silently counted to five. Summoning her courage, she opened them, and she froze.

Uh, walking toward her was, indeed, a man.

He was tall, lean, and dressed in simple cloth robes. His jet-black hair was tied tightly behind his neck. As he walked slowly toward her, he carried a faint, mysterious aura.

Aside from his face, he was very ordinary. He wore straw sandals, so he definitely had no money. He kept a cold expression, so he was surely a man of few words.

She stared at the man like a lovesick fool for a long time, only coming to her senses when he was about to walk out of her line of sight.

In two or three steps, she rushed up and grabbed the man’s arm.

"Can you marry me?" She asked, staring straight into his eyes, without the slightest bit of the reserve expected of a woman.

*Note to readers:* *New book starting.*