Chapter 1: 001 A Pitiful Transmigration

"Stop looking for me! If you don't like my traits, I'll change them all, okay...?" On the school rooftop, a girl was speaking to the boy in front of her. The girl's name was Xiao Zhiyan, a sophomore at this prestigious university. She considered herself merely "pretty," yet she had the "fortune" of being relentlessly pursued by the school hunk before her.

"I like it precisely because you don't like me! So change them!" As expected of a school hunk, he wasn't an ordinary person; his very first words left Xiao Zhiyan quite speechless.

Not wanting to continue entangling herself with him, Xiao Zhiyan turned to leave, but she accidentally tripped over a pebble. Her body pitched backward violently. The school rooftop had no railings, and by the time she realized what was happening, her body was already plummeting straight down, leaving her no time even to scream.

When Xiao Zhiyan opened her eyes again, she found herself in a small, dilapidated room. She sat up from the bed, looked around, and her face turned pale: "Crap, could I have actually transmigrated?"

Xiao Zhiyan also enjoyed reading transmigration novels, but as a proponent of materialism, her attitude toward them had always been: "Just a way to pass the time when I'm bored. A way to mock plots that completely defy logic." However, now that the facts were laid out before her, she had no choice but to slap her own cheek and say blankly, "I wonder how this face looks."

Xiao Zhiyan stood up and walked to a bronze mirror. However, the beauty reflected in the bronze mirror caused even Xiao Zhiyan to freeze in shock. This face—any woman would be jealous of it, and any man would go mad for it! It seemed Heaven hadn't been unkind to her!

Transmigration novels said that as long as your face is beautiful, it doesn't matter if your background is poor; becoming a princess or a royal consort shouldn't be a problem. But before Xiao Zhiyan could even laugh out loud, she heard a male voice shouting outside the room: "Sister-in-law! Is Sister-in-law in the room?"

Xiao Zhiyan's heart skipped a beat. Sister-in-law? Does that mean she's already married? What's the point of being married? She replied impatiently, "I'm here. Who are you?"

"It's me, Wu Er! Sister-in-law, please come downstairs. Regarding my brother's death, Wu Er has questions to ask!"

Hearing this, Xiao Zhiyan nearly fainted. What a scam! No matter how stupid she was, she should have known she had transmigrated as Pan Jinlian. Right now should be the moment when Wu Song seeks revenge for Wu Dalang! Xiao Zhiyan was instantly moved to tears. She shouted downstairs, "Uncle, wait a moment! I'll be down as soon as I change my clothes!" After saying that, she scrambled around the room. Finally, Heaven rewarded the faithful: Xiao Zhiyan successfully found the arsenic Pan Jinlian used to poison Wu Dalang and swallowed it without hesitation. Rather than being disemboweled, it was better to die cleanly like this; anyway, this wasn't her first time dying...

In the final moment of her remaining consciousness, she muttered in her heart: "Heaven, if you sincerely want me to transmigrate, could you please let me transmigrate into a good family, okay?"

When she woke up again, Xiao Zhiyan found herself in a luxurious chamber, draped in silks and satins. Lifting her long sleeves, she revealed arms as white and smooth as lotus roots! Xiao Zhiyan looked closely, and indeed, she hadn't misseen... her arms were fair and incredibly plump. Lifting the hem of her skirt, OMG, it revealed two sections of white... chubby little calves...

Just as Xiao Zhiyan was sinking into the agony of her "pig-like, round, and jade-like" physique, a little eunuch rushed in, wailing and crying at her: "Imperial Consort! The Imperial Guard... the Imperial Guard has rebelled... Your brother, Lord Yang Guozhong, was killed in the chaos!"

Xiao Zhiyan's mouth formed an 'O' shape. What a scam! Although her history knowledge was mediocre, anyone could know this. The Imperial Consort sister of Yang Guozhong—who else could it be besides that plump beauty, Yang Guifei, who was granted death by hanging?!

Sure enough, just as Xiao Zhiyan was infinitely marveling at her bizarre fate, a middle-aged man dressed in dragon robes ran in, panting heavily: "My beloved, flee quickly!"

Flee my ass... Xiao Zhiyan cursed inwardly. Even if she fled, there would be a mutiny midway. Once the mutiny happened, this man in front of her would have her strangled to death. Rather than dying so disgracefully in public, it was better to die early and be reincarnated! Hardening her heart, Xiao Zhiyan dragged her plump body to run toward Emperor Xuanzong of Tang at top speed, swiftly drew his ceremonial sword, and slashed it across her own throat. As she did so, she thought with tears in her eyes once more: "Heaven, please show some sincerity, okay? This transmigration is completely useless! Is there a group-buy for transmigration now? How can there be quantity without quality? Next time, can we not die so easily?"

She opened her eyes once more. Xiao Zhiyan first inspected her physique. Hmm, the quality of this body was actually quite good. Slender, delicate hands—even Xiao Zhiyan herself was stunned by their beauty. Looking at the ancient zither beside her, her heart was suddenly filled with the urge to play.

OMG, it turns out I'm a talented woman proficient in music! While enjoying the heavenly sounds produced by her jade-like hands, Xiao Zhiyan felt a surge of excitement. This time, she finally transmigrated into the right person!

"Truly a celestial melody; how often can one hear such things in the mortal realm!" Suddenly, a rather magnetic male voice interrupted Xiao Zhiyan's happy thoughts. She looked up to see two young lords in magnificent clothing sitting before her. One was elegant and refined; the other was domineering and full of youthful vigor. Xiao Zhiyan felt a thrill of excitement. From transmigration novels, she knew that usually, two completely different men would fall for the same beauty, especially if they were close friends—they would always fight tooth and nail over the female lead. Which one should she choose as her male lead?

"Jing Ke, if you enjoy listening, how about this Prince gives this beauty to you?" Before Xiao Zhiyan could enjoy her moment of self-satisfaction for a few minutes, the refined one actually spoke: "As long as you succeed in assassinating the King of Qin, I will give you whatever you desire!"

Crap! Xiao Zhiyan finally couldn't hold back her rage. She "swung" to her feet, pointed at Jing Ke, and said, "Are you trying to say that you just like my hands?!"

Both Jing Ke and Prince Yue were startled by the sudden outburst of the raging Xiao Zhiyan. Jing Ke froze and nodded blankly. Xiao Zhiyan felt her vision go dark. She then pointed at Prince Yue and said, "Are you a pervert who wants to cut off my hands to give to Jing Ke?!"

"You... how did you know?" Prince Yue didn't react for a moment, asking stammery.

"No wonder your assassination of the King of Qin is going to fail! You're cutting people's hands off, do you hear me!!! You don't know how to cherish a lady, do you!!! You people can't handle transmigrated people! You die before you even see your own face, do you hear me!!! If you don't die, you become a cripple, do you hear me!!! Do you think I'm a fallen angel?! Even with cut hands, can I still have that 'looking up at the sky at 135 degrees' kind of sorrow? Damn it, is it easy for me to transmigrate? Is it?! People encounter handsome guys and commit to life to enter Hard Mode! I haven't even met the male lead yet and I'm already in Very Hard Mode, do you hear me!!! I could at least endure Very Hard Mode, but I don't even have the chance to live for an hour! Is it hard to be a Prince? Is it sad to be an assassin? Damn it, being a transmigrated woman is the true warrior's path!!! You people seriously cannot handle transmigrated people!" Xiao Zhiyan's long-accumulated fury erupted like a mountain collapsing into the sea. "What's the point of a transmigration like this! Heaven, do you dare to be even more blind? You transmigrated me into a fictional era and left me to fend for myself—would it kill you to let me find a little handsome guy or a little prince? Would it kill you?!!! Instead of cutting off my hands, you might as well just strike me dead with lightning!!!"

Just as Xiao Zhiyan's words fell, a "RUMBLE" was heard. A sudden thunderclap erupted in the middle of a perfectly clear sky. Xiao Zhiyan's vision instantly went dark. Before hitting the ground, she faintly uttered one last sentence: "Damn it... you people can't handle those who can't take a joke... and you people can't handle those who get 'struck dead' by lightning even more..."