Chapter 8: 8. Chapter 8: No Ifs

Chapter 8: There Are No "Ifs"

"My grandfather and grandmother had no idea that when my mother gave birth to me, she suffered a massive hemorrhage. To save her life, she had to have her uterus removed, making it impossible for her to ever have a second child. My mother agreed to send me back to my hometown for two reasons: first, to let me dote on my grandparents and keep her presence felt, and second, to have more time alone with my father, preventing their marriage from souring over this issue."

The bond between mother and daughter, in her eyes, was likely not very important.

Or rather, it was not as important as a man.

Perhaps, because she lost the ability to bear more children while giving birth to her, her mother might have always hated her.

For every child, the gradual realization that their mother does not love them is an incredibly painful process.

Gu Lanxi did not want to reveal too much of this, but Lu Nanting could imagine it perfectly.

Today was supposed to be an incredibly exciting day for him, but hearing this, his heart sank involuntarily.

He felt a pang of heartache for her and wanted to pull her into his arms to comfort her.

However, she did not need it.

She used the act of twisting open a bottle cap as an excuse to naturally pull her hand away.

"My mother was very beautiful and very smart. Because her maternal grandfather’s family was in business, she grew up influenced by it and had a real knack for that world. Unfortunately, she was a 'love-brain.'

"Her efforts were quite effective; that scumbag still liked her and loved her. But, in the end, he couldn't overcome the desire to carry on the family line, so he chose to have it both ways. A woman on the outside to bear his children, and a beautiful wife at home. I’m sure everyone who knew was envious of him."

A beautiful woman with no menstrual cycle, someone he could sleep with whenever he wanted, a legal wife who was subservient and at his beck and call—and most importantly, someone with a sharp mind who could help him in his career. Just thinking about it, one could imagine how satisfying that must have been.

When speaking of her parents' past, Gu Lanxi was full of sarcasm and bitterness, but she hadn't lost her mind to the point of saying anything inappropriate in front of Lu Nanting.

"My grandparents had long known that they had a grandson. To get more grandsons, they immediately chose to cooperate with my father’s ruse of being sick. With both old folks 'ill' and me, who couldn't even walk yet, my mother had no choice but to return to the hometown to care for me while fulfilling filial duties for my father.

"But my mother wasn't stupid. After sensing something was wrong, she immediately took the old couple to the best hospital. Whether they were sick or not became clear at a glance.

"Once the fake illness was exposed, my mother didn't hesitate to dump me and leave. She rushed back overnight and, sure enough, caught that happy family of three red-handed."

Gu Lanxi had heard about these things when she was older, while listening to her grandmother on the phone.

There was a red landline phone by her grandmother’s bedside, usually locked inside a brown wooden box.

When it was locked, you could pick up the receiver, but you couldn't touch the buttons.

That long, coiled phone cord could easily be stretched to the bed. When her grandmother had nothing to do, she would often lean against the headboard and chat for hours with her old friends.

She would complain about the phone bill while chattering away, saying "I'm hanging up now, I'm hanging up now" at least eight times in ten minutes, only to still be talking an hour later.

When she was little, whenever she heard the phone ring, no matter what she was doing, she would run over immediately.

Because she was hoping her parents would call home. If they were in a good mood, perhaps they would speak to her.

At first, her grandmother always thought she was too young and never avoided her when talking on the phone, not realizing that she had been different from other children since she was small.

Because she had heard many shocking things as a child, even as she grew older and stopped expecting calls from her parents, she would still find ways to eavesdrop whenever her grandmother was on the phone.

But such sneaky behavior wasn't something she wanted to talk about.

"How she got through those years, I was too young to know, and no one told me. I could only guess from what others said. She and the mistress must have fought very bitterly. In my second year of elementary school, I accidentally heard my grandmother crying while answering a call from my father. She said that the illegitimate son had developed mental health issues and was threatening to jump off a building, and the mistress had also miscarried a fully-formed baby boy. My grandparents never liked me, and from then on, they treated me almost like an enemy. I knew it was displaced anger, but I could only passively endure it."

At seven or eight years old, she was hungry all day, had no thick clothes to wear when it got cold, and when it rained, no one would come to school to bring her an umbrella...

If she accidentally got sick, she just had to suffer through it.

Either she got better on her own, or the teacher took her to the hospital.

The teachers didn't dare tell her family when they spent money on her medical care, otherwise, they would be scolded by her grandmother, who would say she was spoiled and that it was all the fault of these outsiders.

Later, the teachers didn't dare get involved, except for her homeroom teacher—a fresh graduate with a round face and a soft temper—who insisted on helping her. Even though she was scolded every time, she would hide and cry in private, but she never gave up.

Those past experiences taught her that throwing a tantrum was meaningless.

Only by facing it.

Only by overcoming it.

Could she have a chance to make peace with herself.

"When I was twelve, the conflict reached a boiling point. Because the mistress was pregnant again, she started forcing the issue. My father finally decided to divorce my mother, marry the mistress, and add that illegitimate son to the family genealogy."

Gu Lanxi lowered her head, quickly unscrewed the water bottle, gulped down the rest of the water, then crumpled the plastic bottle into a ball, screwed the cap back on, opened the car window, and tossed it with precision into a trash can not far away.

The metal trash can was scorching hot from the sun. With a "clatter," the sound arrived along with the heatwave from outside. Gu Lanxi’s breathing faltered, and she paused her story.

It was the height of summer, the sun was scorching, and the car's air conditioning was set low, but as her emotions rose, she still felt unbearably hot.

The topic wasn't over, and neither of them had any intention of getting out.

Most Southerners care about their clans, especially families like the Gu clan, who have ancestral halls, family rules, regular ancestor worship, and regular clan meetings, where every branch and lineage is clearly defined.

For the original wife, the damage of having an illegitimate son added to the family genealogy was unimaginable.

Especially for this original wife, who had turned her back on her own parents for this man and given up her only child—a child she had obtained at the cost of her own fertility.

Even if she was tired of this marriage to the extreme, she could never accept it calmly.

What followed was bound to be the most violent retaliation.

Gu Lanxi was usually emotionally stable; she rarely had such restless movements.

Sure enough...

"My mother suddenly returned to the hometown, looking incredibly haggard. I almost didn't recognize her. That night, she came into my room and told me she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and asked me not to tell anyone. She also said that she might not be able to stay by my side for much longer. I said it didn't matter, because you were never really there anyway; to me, you were always dispensable."

"I thought she would regret it, that she would say sorry, that she would say she would be good to me in the future, that she would love me well. But she didn't. She just sighed and said she could rest easy now, then patted my head and told me, 'Sleep, sleep, have a good dream.'"

Gu Lanxi’s eyes turned red.

She lowered her head and stared at her shoes for a moment.

She blinked gently and looked up at Lu Nanting.

If she could do it all over again, she would never say such heartless words.

Unfortunately, there are no "ifs" in this world.